Ours Is Not To Reason Why (11/365)

Where: Hudson River Park
When: Today

"Ours is not to reason why
Ours is but to do and die"
--Alfred Lord Tennyson

At some point this morning Dave and I started talking about dogs and how they probably don't ever wonder why anything happens. For example - getting dressed. How bizarre an activity would a dog think that is?? Except that they wouldn't, because for a dog, life just is what it is, until it's something else. I mulled this over during meditation, and decided that my new project is to try to notice every time I see something and analyze it, every time I automatically fill in a reason behind what's in front of me, and to try to pull back and just let it be what it is.

Glorified

Where: Chelsea, NYC
When: September 28, 2009

I know I know, I'm trying to move on from flowers, but COME ON. Morning Glories!! I just don't have that kind of superhuman self restraint.

Ooh, I wonder what they'd look like in bw...

You Don't Have To Understand

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 28, 2009

Title from Antigone Rising's "She's Not Innocent"

Indecision Rules The Day (10/365)

Where: West Village, NYC
When: Today

So I like both of these, but I think I like the black and white version more because I always love the black and white versions more. But others almost never agree with me. So after feverish deliberation which really would have been better spent studying for my A&P quiz tomorrow, I'm posting both versions. I'm also excited because a flickr contact showed me a new awesome way to convert photos to black and white, which makes them way more contrasty, and therefore better.

PS. I meditated this morning. It was boring, and nothing particularly interesting came up. But I did it, which is what's important here.

The Rain In Spain

Where: Solterreno, Vall de Laguar, Spain
When: July 2, 2009

Wave From Creation

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 28, 2009

Title from Thievery Corporation, "From Creation".

Quitting Time (9/365)

Where: Chelsea, NYC
When: Today

Meditating today, my brain kept throwing up painful memories, I think in an attempt to get me to stop doing it, because let's face it, meditating is boring. At first I tensed, and focused on them, until I noticed that I was just going into my usual resolution-attempt spiral that always ends in failure. So instead I decided to focus on my breathing, and not give the memories so much importance.

Rag Time

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 22, 2009

Curvaceous

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 13, 2009

Cinnamony Goodness (8/365)

Where: Home, NYC
When: Today
Dave's making apple pie, and the house smells like delicious.

Meditation today happened, and I there were things that came up which felt important/interesting to me at the time, but I didn't write them down and now I've forgotten what they were. The main thing was regaining a feeling of space in my head.

During the meditation, I'm able to complete a full sentence or thought, with a cushion of silence and focus around it, rather than the usual competing thoughts that I tend to bounce between, each one shouting for more attention. Maybe after a full 365 days of this, I'll have that sense of space all the time! That would be nice.

Cracked (7/365)

Where: West Village/Chelsea-ish, NYC
When: Today

So I'm trying an experiment with the meditation. Well, really it's more of an experiment with motivating to get back to consistently meditating. I'm going to combine it with the 365 project, in an attempt to give it the same kind of "I have to do this every day" priority in my mind. So along with the photo, I'm going to include a little blurb about whether I meditated and how it went.

Some days during meditation I find that my thoughts are stickier than others. Today was an extra sticky day, and the various thoughts and future scenario imaginings were so absorbing that they were almost dreamlike in intensity and clarity, and it was very difficult to extricate myself to an observer position. Towards the end, I wondered if the extra sticky days would correlate to a more depressive state, since it might indicate that I'd continue to have trouble being aware of the inner dialogue that day, and therefore if a critical thought pattern developed, I wouldn't notice in time to pull back and observe it and would instead get absorbed into the familiar emotional spiral.

Of course, it's possible that doing the meditation can shift the balance towards awareness for the rest of the day, thus negating any "sticky mind day" effect. So who knows.

No Vacancies (6/365)

Where: West Side Highway, NYC
When: Today

Arg. I've been thinking about this shot for days, finally got some good light for it, and it's still not right. Too dead center on the composition, not enough of... something. Oh well, it's the best of what I've got today, so it'll have to do.

Strange How Hard It Rains Now

Where: Hudson River, NYC
When: September 16, 2009

Title from Patty Griffin's song "Rain".

The Before Time

Where: Hampstead Heath, London, UK
When: August 19, 2009

Urban Elegance (5/365)

Where: Chelsea, NYC
When: Today

Tulip Time

Where: Queen Mary's Gardens (probably), Regents Park, London, UK
When: April 18, 2009

Street Level

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 20, 2009

More BillBoard Wisdom (4/365)

Where: Chelsea/West Village border-ish, NYC
When: Today

I feel a theme coming on...

Billboard Wisdom

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 14, 2009

Spotlight

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 13, 2009

Commuting in America Town (3/365)

Where: Christopher Street Subway Station, NYC
When: Today

Just in case you are ever less than completely clear on which country you are in, the NYC subway has got your back.

Say Hallelujah

Where: Solterreno, Vall de Laguar, Spain
When: July 1, 2009

(Title from the Tracy Chapman song "Say Hallelujah")

I heard from the doctor, and it turns out that it IS mono, as we originally thought, although I also have a particularly persistent Strep B infection. It is NOT some horrible viral or autoimmune awful after all, and I am SO relieved. I just have to get some (more) penicillin for the strep, and take it easy for another month or two, and everything is going to be FINE. Holy crap. I am so relieved I can't even stand it!

The Waiting

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 19, 2009
What I Like: This is the exact moment the owner came out of the bagel place, and you can see their expressions just starting to change. I also like the light and the black and white.
What I don't like: I wish I had taken this particular shot in landscape rather than portrait, I think it would have been a stronger composition. I was playing around with the composition, and the owner came out before I could settle on what I wanted.

Sunrise in Oils (2/365)

Where: Hudson River Park, West Village, NYC
When: Today
Piper loved bouncing around in these puddles. The result of sprinklers, rather than rain. I still can't quite get over how consistent the weather is around here, compared to London. We've had days of this.

Look Out Below

Where: The Roundhouse, Camden, London, UK
When: August 19, 2009 (Another from the "Farewell London" set)
What I like: I've been trying to get a good shot of that statue ever since I first noticed it. I like the colors, and the fact that no one is paying any attention to the statue. And that the three human figures make a triangle.
What I Don't Like: I'm not sure, but there's something not quite hitting it for me. I think I would have preferred a silhouette, sunset type shot, which I tried a couple of times but wasn't able to make it work.

The Silversmith

Where: West Village (we might have edged Greenwich village, actually, I don't really know where the line is)
When: September 20, 2009
What I like: The lines and the colors
What I Don't Like: I don't feel like it has a lot of impact. It's just a shot of a not particularly pretty street. But I still think the lines in the garage door, with the graffiti are pretty cool.

Sunset in Oils (1/365)

I'm trying a 365 photography project - the rule is that I have to post a picture a day, and the picture has to have been taken on that day. I'm still going to be trying to post 2 (additional, but not necessarily taken anywhere near the day) photos per week day. We'll see how long I can keep this up!

Should hear from the doctor tomorrow or the next day. Everybody cross their fingers for stubborn viral illness, rather than permanent autoimmune illness. Pretty please.

Take a Seat

Where: Solterreno, Vall de Laguar, Spain
When: July 2, 2009

This Seems Highly Dubious

Where: West Side Highway, NYC
When: September 16, 2009

Healing

Where: Solterreno, Vall de Laguar, Spain
When: July 2, 2009

"When we maintain awareness, whether we know it or not, healing is taking place. If we practice long enough we begin to sense the truth: we come to understand that 'now' embraces the past and future and the present. When we can sit with a simple mind, not being caught by our own thoughts, something slowly dawns, and a door that has been shut begins to open. For that to occur, we have to work with our anger, our upset, our judgments, our self-pity, our ideas that the past determines the present. As the door opens, we see that the present is absolute and that, in a sense, the whole universe begins right now, in each second. And the healing of life is in that second of simple awareness.

Healing is always just being here, with a simple mind."

--Charlotte Joko Beck, "Nothing Special: Living Zen"

The Way Forward

Where: Hudson River Park, NYC
When: September 6, 2009
What I Like: The angle, the light, the detail in the wood.
What I Don't Like: I think it might be a little boring. And I think I upped the clarity slider too much, it's very sharp.

Indeed

Where: Camden Town, London, UK
When: August 19, 2009 (on my farewell to London day)

The doctor's visit yesterday was a little unsettling. The doctor was very good, very interested and attentive. But she doesn't think it's mono. She doesn't know what it is, but thinks it's something viral or maybe autoimmune. I'm very scared that it is something chronic, and that my current non-existent energy levels will become status quo.

I'm feeling better this morning than I have in days, so that's good. The doctor had them take 5 or 6 vials of blood yesterday, an EKG and urine, so hopefully the results will give me something definitive. At the very least, we will know what it's not.

Coming or Going

Where: Solterreno, Vall de Laguar, Spain
When: July 1, 2009
What I Like: The cat's expression, and the way he or she blends into the grasses.
What I Don't Like: I think it might just be a picture of a cat that's trying to be fancy by being black and white.

Light Up The Dark

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 14, 2009

Not sure how today's going to go, trying to find something bright inside all the anxiety. Lay awake from 3:30 to 5:30 last night, panicking about the fact that my throat hurt and I felt feverish, convinced that I was going to relapse, and I'd have to postpone school for another semester, thus spending the fall and first part of the winter not only without exercise, but without anything to do period. Alarm goes off at 6, just after I finally fall asleep (why does that ALWAYS happen??), I got out the door late with the dog, feeling defensively aggressive, which apparently fed down the leash as she had not one but two pissy altercations, leaving me feeling so stressed and upset that I literally had to sit down on a bench on the walk back, every muscle weak and about as supportive as water.

Swedish class today, and the idea of anyone touching me is making my skin crawl. I finally have my doctor's appointment in the afternoon though, so I am hoping that will give me some comfort, and reassurance.

Bubbly

Where: SoHo, NYC (I think)
When: September 13, 2009

Liberated

Where: Over the Hudson River, NYC
When: September 13, 2009

Breaking Out

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 13, 2009

Epilogue to Traffic on the Hudson

Sunday Traffic on the Hudson

It's been a busy day on the river! We came back from bagels and coffee to a speed boat race:





Then we started to get a little nervous...



Those are two French warships. This one has been cruising the river all week:



Then we all relaxed a bit, as clearly, the pirates are on top of the situation.



But then things got tense again as we heard some booming, and appeared to be under attack!



But I think it was actually just fireworks.

Finally, a cruise ship sailed in - those are always such a shock, as from our perspective they look like they could swallow all of Jersey City.



So it's been an exciting day! Now I'm waiting for the sunset... I may never leave this apartment, there's way too much entertainment on offer.

Triplicate

Where: Hampstead Heath, London, UK
When: August 19, 2009

Follow the Leader

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 6, 2009

Scribbles

Where: West Village, NYC
When: September 3, 2009